You Should Drink This

When I was a young boy, I spent many summers in South Carolina.  I came to love the red clay, the mountains of the upstate, and the funny accents.  I also came to love a certain soft drink, available only (until recently) in the Carolinas and certain renegade Tennessee outlets.  It’s light, it’s effervescent, and unless you know what “kudzu” is you’ve probably never tasted it before.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Cheerwine.


Without fear of hyperbole, I can say that Cheerwine is the best tasting soft drink in the entire civilized world.  It tastes like perfection in a bottle.  It makes me sing show tunes whenever I drink it.

Children who drink Cheerwine are 70% more likely to obey their parents.

The Fonz was cool because Al Delvecchio served Cheerwine.

When God rested on the seventh day, he drank Cheerwine to relax.

America won the Cold War because Mikhail Gorbachev tasted Cheerwine and realized that capitalism would defeat communism.

My dog learned how to speak English when I poured some Cheerwine on his dog food.

How did Ginger Rogers do everything that Fred Astaire did, but do it in high heels?  She drank Cheerwine.

Mother Teresa took a vow of poverty, but still had a case of Cheerwine a month shipped to Calcutta.

My wife is better than your wife because she bought me Cheerwine.

America put a man on the moon because NASA replaced the coffee they normally served with Cheerwine.

Chuck Norris once said that he drinks Cheerwine, and I dare you to call him a liar.

Drink Cheerwine and you’ll go to Heaven.

Everyone who’s cool drinks Cheerwine.


And now, thanks to the wonders of Cheerwine and capitalism, it’s now possible to buy Cheerwine at all Cracker Barrel locations!   There’s a Cracker Barrel just down the road from my house!  Happy days are here again!

Run (don’t walk!) to your nearest Cracker Barrel restaurant and buy some Cheerwine.  Buy a case of it and share it with your friends.  If they ask how you heard about it, tell them “Just drink it and all your questions will be answered.”

Cheerwine makes life better.  I drink Cheerwine, and you should drink it, too.